When my son was born, he was extremely “colicky,” which is a word doctors came up with that essentially meant (for us) “crying for hours without any known or proven reason why.” I would literally rock, hold, and comfort him while he cried for hours. I remember one night he cried for 6 hours straight! I sat up, exhausted, in my fuzzy purple robe, probably smelly because I hadn’t found the time to shower in a few days, and I looked at his tiny face and thought to myself “I am miserable. I am miserable and there are couples out there who would give almost anything to be as ‘miserable’ as I am right now with a child of their own.” and I held my tiny son tighter.
I knew at that moment, like being hit with lightning, what I was called next in my life to do. I wanted to help make families.There are couples who struggle with infertility, and gay and lesbian couples who are prevented from adopting all over this world who longed to be loving parents, and I can help!
When my husband and I knew we were done having children of our own, I began looking into surrogacy options and found my agency in California called Surrogate Alternatives Inc. in San Diego. I live in Northern CA, but the office works with women all over the state, and Intended Parents all over the world. I did lots of research and decided to submit my bio with them and wait to be matched with my first couple.
I remember how nervous I was when my husband and I drove to San Francisco to meet our potential IPs (Intended Parents) for the first time. It felt like a date, but the stakes were so much higher. We met each other, and there was this silent awe that hovered around our private conversation we had in the corner of that restaurant. It was as if the universe knew how important that conversation we were having was, and kept us safely protected while we got to know each other and ultimately decide if we wanted to work together to create a new little life. We took a photo together and hugged, tears in our eyes because we knew this was going to happen.
I found out on Christmas eve that I was pregnant! I called my IPs in Indonesia and they laughed and laughed. They couldn’t believe it! One embryo to transfer, first try. It had worked! The rest of my pregnancy went extremely smoothly and we kept in constant contact. My IPs were very good about never letting me feel that our distance was significant. They sent me groceries, gifts, and visited whenever they had the chance. We were becoming family. I met their parents, their friends. We prepared together for the upcoming birth of their daughter.
On Aug 16th I went into labor. The Intended father was so excited and nervous when I told them I was in labor, that when he was supposed to drive to the hospital to meet us, he drove an hour in the wrong direction before realizing they were headed the wrong way. Luckily they made it to the hospital in plenty of time, and we all prepared for their daughter to arrive.
At 10:30am I pushed, with IF by my head taking pictures, my husband brushing the hair from my face, and IM at my feet holding my leg so she could see her daughter. She held my hand while her daughter came out and was placed on my stomach so IF could cut the cord. IM and I cried and cried and hugged each other. We did it!! Her little one was finally earth side and in her arms.
I can honestly say that the experience of being a surrogate is one that has changed me forever. I will never forget the looks on my IPs faces in those moments after their daughter was born. Bliss. Relief. Joy. I am only 6 months postpartum but already I cannot wait to be matched with more IPs for a second journey. I have begun documenting my journey again, as I did with my first on my blog.
Part of a quote I said about surrogacy resinates with me still.. I said “We are here to lift each other up and say ‘Nature won’t let you have your baby? Thats fine..let me show you this awesome thing called Science. Science is a miracle.’” and it really truly is.