Your Surrogate Baby is Born… Now What?!

by: Melissa Baranowski

The baby is born, the parents are thrilled and your job as their surrogate…is over. Now what?

For me, leaving the hospital was bittersweet. . I was saying goodbye to the little person that I had shared my body with for nearly a year.  Knowing in a few days he would be thousands of miles from me.  I never wanted to keep him; babies aren’t really my favorite thing.  I just had a sense of loss, like when you have a job that you LOVE and you go to work one day and your boss tells you that you are fired.  Surrogacy had been such a huge part of my life for the past year, I felt like I didn’t know me anymore without the belly and the story.

My Intended Parents were not there at the time, which may have actually been for the best, looking back on it.  Instead I was faced with grandparents that I had only met a few days prior. They didn’t know me, and I didn’t know them. When I held Baby P for the last time at the hospital I started to cry. I had such love for him and I was so proud of what I had done, that the only thing I could do was cry. Grandma looked at me like I might dash out of the room with him and never come back. That wasn’t it…at all.  I just needed to grieve the loss. The loss of my “job” and the loss of the relationship between me and my IPs. I knew now that their baby was here, things between us would change.

When I left the hospital my husband took me out for lunch…time to move on and get back to real life. I cried through the entire meal. I was miserable company. I got a phone call from one of my IPs during lunch.  I could barely keep it together. It took all I had to not break down on the phone. I am sure he thought that I was never going to be okay. But I was.

In the days that followed I got many updates and photos about Baby P.  He and his family were staying about 40 minutes from me. I was pumping and Grandpa would drive out and pick up milk every other day or so.  I had lunch (without tears) with my IPs and visited Baby P at their hotel afterward. No tears. I did cry again on the day they left for home. There was going to be a lot of distance between us, and now it would be up to them to determine how involved I would continue to be in Baby P’s life.

I lucked out. I have kept in contact with my IPs and received photos, emails and texts over that past year that make me beam with pride.   I was a surrogate. I created that family. No one can ever take that away.